Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
