that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
