Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
