So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
