Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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