Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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