i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
