she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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