Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
