My room smells like vodka and shame
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
cat food counts as protein by the way
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
