I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
