Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
