I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
