I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
