now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
