And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
