i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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