is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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