Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We are two peas in an std pod
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
