This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
