So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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