You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
