New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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