I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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