Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
