I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
