Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
