Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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