Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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