He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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