he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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