I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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