Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
