why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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