so explain again why im purple
no
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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