i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
