I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
