I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
