Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
