how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think i peed on brittanys purse
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need to align my fucking chakras
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