'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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