It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
