i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
