you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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