Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
