So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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