Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
