Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
