I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
