My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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