Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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